Broken Pieces
by IAmThePoisonedYouth
Summary: After Henry Allen's death, a grieving Barry Allen sees a mutually upset Captain Cold. {Coldflash}


Living his life, and especially in the recent couple of months, Leonard Snart had learned that the universe was a strange place. It took twists and turns and shaped lives in the most unexpected of ways.

That was part of the reason, that after he and his fellow Legends had defeated the immortal Vandal Savage, he had decided to return to 2016. Leonard loathed surprises, he liked things carefully plotted out.

His partner, Mick, had not been so smart. He had decided to go and fix the timeline along with the others, which had made Snart feel a bit jilted, but he understood.

The surprises of that life, though, were not the only reason that the criminal had returned to his rightful time, there was also the crushing fact that he had been dead, very briefly. He had sacrificed himself for everybody, like a true hero.

Somehow, though, Vandal had managed to bring him back, using ancient magic to restore his body, mind and soul. It had left Snart feeling rather empty though, and he constantly wondered why he was resurrected.

Vandal had to have had some ulterior motive and it killed Leonard not to know it.

Now, he was spending most of his days drinking at the same bar on the outskirts of Central City, never really having the motivation for anything. He missed his friends - well, just Sara and Mick consciously despite caring slightly about the others - but he knew he had made the right decision. Who knew how dangerous he had or would have become?

He entered the bar for his daily bender intending to drink himself into an oblivion so the voices in his head screaming that he was wrong would be dulled by the tang of whiskey, then he stopped in his tracks when he saw something - someone - unexpected.

Barry Allen, the kid he knew to be the Flash, was sitting at the bar, his head bowed as he swirled a glass of whiskey.

Leonard felt his natural cockiness flare up as he slid into the stool next to the other man, "Didn't take you for a morning drinker."

"It doesn't matter." Barry looked up through the crook of his arm, giving more of a show of his emotional state, "Won't work on me anyway."

Barry looked wrecked, like he had been crying and was going to do some more, his skin pale and eyes red and Leonard noted that he was visibly shaking.

He turned to the bartender, "Two whiskeys, straight, put it on my tab." when the man turned away, Leonard's voice softened, "You wanna talk about it?"

"Not with you." Barry retorted, rubbing his eyes, "I don't want your sympathy."

Leonard sighed, "Can't really offer it to you if I don't know what's going on, kid."

"My dad died." Barry choked out, his eyes filling with tears again, "You happy?"

Snart apologised, "I'm… so sorry, Barry. That's really rough. What happened?"

Barry waited for the bartender to hand them their drinks and turn away before replying, "Zoom. He murdered him right in front of me." he laughed humorlessly, "Made a show of it too, took me to my childhood home where my mom also died. And then I found out that the real Jay Garrick is dad's doppelganger and I…" he looked down at his glass, his breath escaping in a shudder, "I just… I need him right now and I can't… I can't..."

"I really _am_ sorry, Barry." Leonard said, his voice dripping with an unfamiliar honesty before he raised his own glass, sipping at the whiskey and grimacing slightly at the strong taste, "I may not have had a good dad, but I'm sure yours was."

Barry hissed, "I said I don't want your sympathy, Snart."

"Too bad, you've got it. Better just suck it up." Leonard huffed, "I've been travelling in space and time the past couple of months, I've changed."

Barry nodded, "Yeah, Ollie told me. He also said Ray told him you _died."_

"Briefly." Leonard replied, "Didn't really suit me." he swiftly changed the subject, "Anyway, don't you have work? I'm sure they're missing Central City's prettiest CSI."

Barry shrugged off Leonard's attempt to flirt and answered, "I'm on leave. Joe seems to think that I'm not mentally ready to do my job, that I'm a danger to myself."

"Are you?" Leonard queried.

Barry shrugged, "I've thought about it. A-About stopping it." he gestured to his own cranium to convey his point, "Stopping my thoughts. The world doesn't need the Flash, I tell myself."

"Have you acted upon these thoughts or told anyone?" Leonard was beginning to wonder when he became the shrink for the scarlet speedster, but ignored the fact that he was sort of enjoying it, being useful.

Barry shook his head, "I've not acted upon them. But I've told Joe an-and you. Joe got me on leave, you…" he shuffled out of his seat, "I shouldn't be bothering you like this."

"You were here first, scarlet." Leonard stated, "I'm sorry if I imposed."

Barry's voice rose shrilly, " _I wish everybody would stop fucking apologising to me!"_ several people stared over at him as he gravely continued, "'Oh, I'm sorry for your loss', 'I'm sorry your dad is dead!'. No apologies will bring him back." he released a sob, then shook his head, "I can't do this."

He walked out at a normal pace, storming to the alleyway around the side of the bar before sliding down the wall, sobbing softly into his hands.

Leonard looked up at the bartender, "Sorry about that." he then got up and left, following the sound of Barry's badly stifled cries until he found him, "Kid…"

"God, now you won't leave me alone." Barry growled, raising his head, "You know… I envy you. I wish I could drink myself into an oblivion and just forget. But I can't."

Leonard knelt beside him, "Look, Barry. You don't like me, and the feeling was mostly mutual. But I learned when I travelled, I learned that friends are important."

"We're _not_ friends." Barry fired back, "You… You're a murderer. You're a madman."

Leonard noted, "You're lashing out. It's okay. It's understandable."

" _Stop."_ Barry begged, "Please."

Leonard shook his head, "No. You're going to survive this, Barry Allen. You're strong."

"I'm not strong." Barry disagreed, "I-If I was, m-my dad…"

Leonard's hand took his, "It wasn't your fault, scarlet. Zoom killed him, not you."

"It hurts so bad, I-I can't even breathe!" Barry choked out.

Unable to control himself, Leonard pulled him close, not really understanding why but knowing that he had to help the speedster. Barry wept into the crook of his neck, his entire frame trembling.

Hours later, and Leonard had convinced Barry to come back to his apartment so that he wouldn't have to remain at his home with Joe for a couple of more awkward hours that would remind him of the situation he was in.

Shakily, Barry settled down on Leonard's couch, looking up at the criminal, "You really have changed."

"I have." Leonard knelt in front of the speedster, "Do you need anything?"

Barry scoffed, "A better life?"

"I'm sorry, scarlet." Leonard huffed, "I can't help with that."

Barry lied, "I'll be okay."

"I'm not going to force help upon you, red, but I am suggesting that you get help." Leonard took his hands, "I know I'm not a feelings kinda guy, but I kinda like you."

Barry snarked, "You've literally shot me with a cold gun."

"I can't change the past and I'm not asking for your forgiveness." the criminal sighed, "I'm just offering you my help."

Barry shook his head, "Nobody can help me. Not through this." his voice cracked, "I feel like everything has been ripped away from me, l-like I'm being torn apart from the inside out. My dad… he's dead." tears welled up in his eyes, "How am I supposed to accept that? I-I just got over my mom's death an-and…" a sob broke from him and he bowed his head.

"Barry…" Leonard frowned, one of his hands reaching to cup the kid's cheek, his thumb stroking away the tears that rolled down his face.

In some strange way, comforting Barry was helping Leonard feel a little bit better in himself, knowing he was doing something undeniably good. It made him feel alive again, not simply a pawn in Vandal Savage's long game.

When Barry calmed, he pulled his knees up to his chest, hugging himself like he was still a child. Leonard moved to sit next to him, gingerly resting a hand on his shoulder.

"You going to be o-" he stopped himself before he completed his question and reconsidered what he was saying, "Do you need anything?"

Barry asked, broken and confused, "Why are you helping me?" before Snart could make something up, he elaborated, "And don't bullshit me, please. Be honest for once in your life."

"It helps." Leonard replied, "Helping you… it makes me feel like a human being again." his gaze dropped, "When Savage brought me back, I found myself wondering why. Why would he bring me, of all people, back to life? It left me feeling empty, and I didn't even understand why. I keep getting worried I'm going to hurt someone I care about… or worse."

Leonard could feel himself choking up and forced himself to take a shuddering breath to calm down - Captain Cold did not _cry._ He was stronger than that, a terrifying force of nature who was cruel and calculating.

"What a pair we make, huh?" Barry remarked, trying to lighten the mood slightly.

Leonard gave a small smile, "Yep."

"We're miserable." Barry continued, then took a pause before asking, "What does it feel like? _Dying?"_

Leonard looked slightly taken aback by Barry's question, but answered it anyway, his eyes darting to the ground, "At first, I felt this brief, searing pain, then nothing. Nothing but cold, lonely darkness. I tried screaming for someone, for Mick, for Lisa, for Sara but nobody could hear me. I was alone, in what felt like my own personal hell." his eyes were filled with tears when he looked up, "I've done some horrible things in my time, Barry, unforgivable, awful things and I know that I probably deserve death but that… I can't even bear to think about it. About how my life built up to nothing but eternal solitude, torn away from my friends, my family…" he felt Barry's hand gently touch his arm and forced a smile, "Thanks." he released a shuddering breath, wiping his eyes, "Anyway, the next thing I remember after the darkness was hearing Mick's voice as I woke up. I remember seeing his and Sara's eyes, feeling them grab my hands but everything was surrounded by a sort of… _numbness."_

"And that's why you left the Waverider?" Barry asked.

Leonard nodded, "I was sad to see Mick and Sara go but I had to. I couldn't trust myself. I still can't."

"So… are you and Sara… you know?" Barry began, hoping he didn't sound at all jealous.

Snart chuckled, knowing the end of the speedster's question, "We kissed, once when I died, then when I said goodbye, but I didn't _love_ her. I cared about her, was attracted to her, would've dated her but I can't do that now. I'm too worried about what I might do to her. Plus, there's another in my line of sights."

"Wha-" Barry stopped himself, then blushed, laughing, "Well, Cold, you're going to have to work on your technique."

The criminal scoffed, "My _technique?_ My technique is awesome, Red, and you know it!"

"Mm, no, not really." the speedster retorted, "Although I do admire your courage, I barely have enough to ask somebody out. Most people just see me as the bumbling, stammering, awkward nerd."

Snart fired back, "But that's the best thing about your personality! You're so adorable that you can get away with being an 'awkward nerd'."

"Tell that to every last girlfriend of mine." Barry said, "I've never really dated a guy. And whilst your offer is tempting, I'm afraid I might have to wait a while, at least until I feel emotionally ready."

Leonard nodded, "I understand. I will probably have to wait too, what with the not knowing whether I'm a murderous psychopath thing." he corrected himself, "Well, a murderous psychopath without free will in the mix this time. God, I am an asshole."

"True, but I _was_ right." Barry smiled, "There _is_ good in you."

Leonard gazed at the speedster, "You know, you're actually not bad either. And it's good to see you smile, even though after what happened, you have every reason not to."

"Funny how my arch-nemesis can make me smile when literally nothing else can." Barry commented.

Leonard shrugged, "Oh, I don't know, have you tried watching cat videos? They usually cheer me up, plus, did you call me your arch-enemy?" he held a hand to his heart, " _I'm touched."_

Barry gave a small laugh, then cupped Leonard's cheek, a small silence moving between the two men. Their knees connected and Barry began to move forward, slowly, closing his eyes. Their foreheads touched, then their noses, their lips now half a breath away from each other.

Suddenly, Leonard's hands came up to grasp Barry's, and the criminal pulled away, confusing Barry into opening his eyes as Snart softly declared, "I think we should slow down, Barry."

"Don't you want me?" the speedster asked, his tone innocent.

Leonard was crushed by the childish aspect of the question, so naive, _don't you want me,_ and gently gasped before replying, "Barry, of course I do. But you are not thinking straight, your emotions are all over the place." he painfully reminded, "Your dad _died,_ what you need isn't sex, or any of that. You need to be helped through it."

"I'm fine!" Barry lied, jumping to his feet, "God, everybody just needs to stop coddling me. Yeah, my dad is dead but I've been through this before, I'm over it. So stop treating me like a kid!"

Leonard was about to say something, but before he could, Barry 'whooshed' out of the room, leaving him alone once more.

He closed his eyes, sighing as he drew his legs up to his chest, wondering if he should've let Barry kiss him. He knew it was wrong though, that doing so would've been taking advantage of him during his time of grief.

So now he was alone, unable to stop his thoughts chittering through his mind, reminding him that he shouldn't exist.

 _You're a monster. You should be dead._

"Shut up." he whispered, shivering.

 _You're dangerous, you'll kill them. You'll kill them all._

"No." he covered his ears, breath hitching, "Shut up!"

 _You deserve to die._

" _SHUT UP!"_ he roared, jumping into a standing position, but then remembering with horror that it was his own mind that was ailing him.

He was his own worst enemy and it was tearing him to pieces.

Meanwhile, Barry was running. Running blindly, not seeing where he was going but knowing he needed to be anywhere other than Central City.

He had let his guard down around Leonard, and he hated himself for it. He had to stay strong, had to keep fighting even though he felt like dying.

When he stopped to catch his bearings, he finally recognised where he was. He was standing on the border of Star City, his shoes smoking from how fast he was running. He cursed, stomping the smoke out, then pulled his mobile out of his pocket and promptly phoned Oliver.

"Hello?" Barry closed his eyes when he heard his friend's voice on the other end of the line, "Barry?"

He waited a beat, took a shuddering breath, then opened his eyes before replying, "Hey, Ollie."

"Are you okay? I heard about your father." the vigilante's voice was gentle, filled with concern.

Barry run a hand over his face, "I don't know… I just…" his voice broke slightly, "I _just_ need somebody to talk to."

"Where are you?" there was an urgency in Oliver's tone.

The speedster replied, breath hitching, "I'm on the edge of town."

"Stay where you are. I'll be there soon." Oliver told him, more of a request than an order before hanging up.

Barry sat on the side of the road, miserably pulling himself into a ball, mulling over how guilty he felt for leaving Leonard like that. He was obviously not in the right state of mind after death, something Barry could relate to.

He felt slightly embarrassed for coming on to Leonard and acting so impulsively, it wasn't like him to be like that at all.

He waited for a few minutes until he faintly heard the sound of a bow and the landing of feet on the ground.

"Hey." Oliver's voice was gentle, "You okay?"

Barry shook his head, "No, I'm not. I don't un-" he looked up, "I don't understand. How can my dad be dead? How am I supposed to live with that?"

Oliver knelt down, resting a hand against Barry's shoulder, "It's hard, isn't it? The pain of not understanding how all this could happen, feeling like the universe is against you."

"I have done everything I can to save the world but none of it, none, is _ever_ enough, is it?" the younger man's voice cracked, making him sound so much more innocent, "I just keep on losing. Until there's nothing left. I barely even recognise myself anymore."

"Barr…" Oliver began, then swallowed, realising that he wasn't really sure of what to say. He waited a few seconds before continuing, "This life, it's full of tragedies, and the universe _will_ keep throwing them at you."

Barry laughed bitterly, his eyes stinging, "That's what the Speed Force told me. I believed it, too. The moment I thought I was ready to face the world and I was torn down again."

"Don't let it tear you down." Oliver suggested, "Be the beacon of hope for yourself as well as the people of your city. Let them know that no matter what, you can survive."

Barry's strength faltered and he croaked, looking up at Oliver, " _I don't know if I can."_

A tear rolled down his cheek and Oliver immediately knelt to pull him into a hug, "Barry Allen, you are one of the strongest people I have ever met, and I know you can make it through this."

"I'm not strong. I'm not- I'm not..." Barry hiccuped, his words mere babbles of grief.

Oliver hushed him, "Being sad isn't a weakness, emotions aren't weakness. You taught me that. Now you are going to get through this, okay?" he pulled away, his eyes gentle behind the mask, "Okay?"

"Okay." Barry gasped out, and then added with a hint of humor, "Well, at least this means you probably won't kill me."

Oliver looked confuddled, "For what?"

"I, uh… may have come onto Leonard Snart." Barry confessed, and when he saw the look of disdain upon Oliver's face, he started up his babbling again, "I know what you're probably thinking but I swear, he's changed and oh, my God, when did I start defending Captain Cold and I know you don't like me giving my villains nicknames although technically it was Cisco and-"

Oliver cut him off, "You're rambling."

"Yeah." Barry looked down, "Sorry."

Oliver then asked, "Do you like him?"

"Huh?" Barry's attention was turned back upward and it took him a second to realise what Oliver was asking as the question had come like a blow to the gut, "Oh, Leonard? I… I've never… I mean, he's attractive enough. Not the best personality but he's better now and…" he broke off sharply, "Oh, _God._ I just… just left him there. He's going through a lot himself and I just… I left him there!"

Oliver offered some advice, "Perhaps he needs to see a beacon of light too. Go."

Barry got up to his feet and nodded, "Thank you, Ollie."

"Any time, Barr." Oliver smiled before firing an arrow at the top of a building and being pulled up by it.

Barry watched his friend leave fondly before darting off himself, knowing which direction he was heading in.

Meanwhile Leonard was lying half asleep on his sofa, half-watching an old horror movie, trying to normalise his life again. He was trying to stay awake, sleep had hardly been kind to him recently, having received dream after dream of himself murdering his loved ones, his hands around Lisa's small neck, squeezing the life out of her or him sliding a knife deep into Sara's gut whilst she looked at him, hurt and betrayed or him firing the cold gun at Mick's head, killing him instantly.

He hadn't told Lisa he was back because of the terror of what he might do to her that sat in the back of his mind all of the time.

And then there was Barry.

Barry Allen, the beautiful enigma, a boy who didn't realise his own potential or worth due to a lifetime of tragedies. Leonard had always found the kid interesting, ever since he made Cisco give up the Flash's identity a lifetime ago, he had always seen something deep within him.

But back then, Leonard only knew how to hurt what he loved, having grown so cold-hearted over the years. He had began to melt back into a human being, then he died and now he was numb again.

He was beginning to wonder if life was worth all this, all this pain and heartbreak, all this time he spent suffering because he was scared of himself.

There was a knock at his apartment door, and his breath hitched slightly, heart jumping in fright. He shakily exhaled, then got up off the sofa, muting the television so he could answer the door.

When he saw Barry standing there, he wasn't sure of what to say, so all that escaped was a weak, " _What…?"_

Barry sighed, cupping Leonard's cheek then stepped forward, crashing his lips against the other man's briefly before pressing their foreheads together as he assured, "You are worth it, okay? All of this, may be fucked up, but I promise you, we can figure it out. Both of us. Together."

Leonard smiled, "Thank you."

"Your welcome." Barry replied, "Now can I come in? I'm kinda tired."

The criminal stepped aside, his smile growing, "Of course."

Barry stepped inside the apartment, taking in a shuddering breath. Not everything in his life was perfect, especially now as he felt like he was broken apart. But he knew with the help of his friends, as well as Leonard, he could help himself become whole again.

Piece by piece.


End file.
